Saturday

I know what you’re thinking; I can read your thought so don’t try and pull the wool over my eyes. Your thinking this is how he spends his time? Saturday night at a lesbian bar? Well I’m sorry to disappoint but yeah this is how I spend my Saturday nights, every Saturday night for about a thousand years. No one notices me when I come to a place like this, and that’s how I like it really. Even if I have on the old digs no one acknowledges me. Crown stabbing into my forehead, robe frayed and filthy, a trail of blood in my wake, I fit right in. But I don’t wear that out fit too often, only for appearances, but those are getting few and far between. Only the fanatics want to see me now, once I appeared to a clergyman. I just walked up to him on the street and I asked him to stop sinning in my house, your stealing innocence and that’s a more hell worthy sin then masturbation or murder. I was wearing jeans and a sex pistols shirt, just like now, and you know what he did? He said those boys have it coming, and then he walked away from me. That really set me off for a few months, Christianity is a joke. People used to kill for me, die for me. Have you heard about the crusades? All that cup ever did was turn water into three star vodka. Come to think of it that’s about the time I started coming to these places. Men were a mistake I think, that’s why I like it here so much. These women are really in tune with them selves. Right now I’m sitting in the G spot down town and eating animal crackers over clam chowder.

Animal crackers in my soup, monkey and rabbits loop the loops.

I can remember when I was just a kid, before all the bad stuff started to happen. When people would look upon me and see the light of god. I never really thought I was anything special then, until some of the old men started coming to my door for advice. It all started to spiral out of control after that, a fifteen year old peasant preaching on the mount. My parents didn’t know what to think, my dad was just a carpenter and my mom was never much of a cook or anything. They were just people and I forgive them for that, I forgive everyone; it’s a flaw of mine. Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming any of this on them, I loved my mother and father, it’s my holly father I have the beef with. I mean it’s not like I was an exceptionally picky child. You’ve heard the story of my first Christmas, I never asked for much. Give me a pitcher of water and drinks are on the house, that’s always been my attitude, I figure I’m making up for it now, with the Animal crackers and clam chowder.

Animal crackers in my soup…


This isn’t what you expected to hear, right? Well I’m sorry I can never manage a good mood on the weekends. All of you preying and promising, you break my heart. It’s the worse on Saturday. All of you trying to scrape up a little happiness with liquor and designer drugs, but when things start to go sour, when the Romans of the world pin you on the cross you have no one to turn to except the number one son. The world is full of empty promises.

Jesus Christ if this cop lets me off without a DUI I’m coming to church twice a week.

Dear father in heaven, if you can just make her come back to me I’ll never cheat again.

The list goes on and on, you’ve done it too. But does anyone think about me? No of course not. You just put your hands together and prey to absolve yourself, to maybe wriggle out of the dept we all owe to the universe. The dept all of you owe to me, for spilling my blood and losing my life. Not to mention all those times I helped you got off work early or make it home on time through rush hour traffic. Yeah that’s right I remember everything. I remember when you were six and lost your mother wedding ring. But because you believed so you found it on your pillow instead of the sink trap were you lost it and what do I get in return? Nothing, zip, not even a sacrifice of sheep. But hey, as long as the drinks are free, right?